today i was so anxious until the point i really wanted to cry out loud but i just couldn't, since i was with my family, in an occasion which everyone ought to be happy.
things like this really make me wonder why do I even have friends, and why my family still care about me, even if I don't have something to be proud of, even if I'm not fun (compared to my sisters, no, I'm really not fun), even if I don't talk a lot, even if sometimes I'm not more noticeable than a wall, and et cetera, and et cetera. I'm a boring person, I have difficulty starting conversation, and very self-conscious. having me around would be a pain in the ass.
(once again) why do I even have friends, and have families cares about me.
maybe sometimes i should learn how to embrace those demerits and make them my best friend, not an enemy which I should defeat.
they are my best friend, though. they show me the way to hard work and the way to be someone better. but still, i still afraid of embracing them as a best friend. such analogical, i have to talk concretely next time.
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